Sometimes you wish it would just shut up.

It’s the quiet times that are the hardest.

When things change, through no choice of your own, that’s when that little voice decides to chime in.

“You deserved this.”

“You weren’t good enough.”

“You should have tried harder.”

or my favorite

“Why didn’t you see this coming?”

We’ve all had times when that voice shows up. Sometimes it’s after something major happens. Other times it’s keeping you awake in bed. Still other times it’s reinforced by the doom-scrolling you’re doing to try and distract yourself.

That voice is destructive. That voice is powerful. That voice is…just is.

But there’s something we so often miss about that voice.

It’s not your voice.

If you listen carefully, you’ll hear the disappointed parent, the angry spouse, the annoying co-worker, the disapproving teacher. All the voices over the years living rent free in your head power that little voice.

You try to fix something – “You’re not smart enough.”

Money is tight – “If you had only applied yourself…”

You’re alone – “You’re not enough.”

These aren’t things we say to ourselves. These are things that are said, hurtful, demeaning, destructive things designed to elevate others at our expense.

Hear them in the voices that said them. Understand where they came from. Weaken them with the understanding they have no intention to help, only to harm.

“You’re not smart enough…I don’t think I am either but if I put you down I can raise myself up.”

“You’re not enough…I don’t think I am either but I can protect myself by shaming you.

“If you had only applied yourself…I wouldn’t have to feel bad about having no idea how I could have helped you.”

The next time you hear that little voice…and trust me you will…tell it:

I hear you, but it doesn’t mean I have to listen, and it doesn’t mean you have anything worth saying.